How do you create a relationship with your reader?

So, it’s Valentine's Day today, or by the time I hit publish it will be the day after Valentine’s Day.

A showcase of American capitalism. Highlighting the brilliance of those card mongers at Hallmark. And before you 'poo-pooh' those guys for “only” writing cards... Try conveying as much emotion as they do in as few words as they have…

Also, a holiday Vance Packard, of Hidden Persuaders fame, would be proud of. A day selling love, and love objects. (I wrote a blog post on this a couple weeks ago. You should check it out here.)

Candy, flowers, stuffed animals, jewelry, dinner reservations, and oh so much more. All exchanged on this day every year. It makes a marketer cry at the brilliance. (And a foolish man cry at the contents of his wallet afterward.)

And in the spirit of that day, I’m writing to you about how to create a relationship with your reader. Yep. A relationship with you. Because you matter. And if you’re not reading this then why the heck am I writing all these words?

Now, forming a relationship with your reader is a lot like forming a relationship in real life. Except for you know, you use words...on a paper….or screen. With that all being said, I came up with a simple three-step process for doing this.

Now, by all means, this is not an exhaustive list, or heck even guaranteed to work. The human mind is fickle. And relationships are hard. But this will give you a leg up over other people.

That three-step process? Keep it interesting. Keep it going. And keep it about them.

First up. Keep it interesting.

You gotta catch their eye. Especially in forming a written connection. Because if they’re not looking at you, they’re not reading you, and they’re not thinking of you. In the real world, this helps to be good looking, or well dressed. Or you know at least in front of the other person with the gumption to say hello.

In writing, it's all about the headline. You have to write something that makes the other person want to read the next line.

Take this blog post you’re reading right now. “How to create a relationship with your reader.”

It worked for you. You’re still reading. And if you didn’t want to know about this topic you would have just moved right along. I told you exactly what this post was about, I didn’t play games, and I certainly wasn’t pretending to be something I’m not. These are very important concepts for you to understand.

A good headline will draw your reader in like a good “hello.” Then it’s all up to you to keep it going.

Secondly, keep it going.

Keep it going is all about the subtle art of not being boring.

Think about it. When you meet someone boring, are you mentally rearranging the chairs at your party table?

Squeezing in a second-hand barstool among the crowd? Fitting them in between the twin aerial contortionists who eat upside down, and the PhD in Uzbeki folk music who tells a mean yarn?

No!

You wouldn’t even imagine introducing that person to your houseplants, much less the raucous characters in the soap opera you call your life.

So why in the heck do you think you should be boring in your writing?

Challenge the reader. Give them something to ponder. Friction to rub up against. Get their blood boiling, their bile building, or their laughter louder. Grab them by the lapels and make their life more interesting. Tell stories. Ask questions. Disagree with the reader. And see how much more incensed the reader is to finish what you have to say. To form a conversation with you.

You might say this is harder to do in writing. And it is, but it’s not impossible. And the easiest way I know of solving this problem?

Write to one person. Even if it’s for many people eventually. Write as if you were talking to one person. One person, you want to impact for the better. A person you want in your life.

Because here’s a secret. “No one is reading your work as a group.” Unless your work is being read by a man or woman to a group of cigar rollers in Cuba, your work is being read by one person at a time. So write to that one person. You’ll be amazed at what you can come up with.

And that one person is going to be really, really happy you made it about them.

Número Tres. Keep it about ‘em.

What is everyone’s favorite topic? What is the one thing no one ever tires of talking about? Is there such an overlap in humanity that they all have one favorite topic? Yes, there is. And you can without question put a benjamin down on the table and gamble. Because here’s that topic.

It’s themselves.

Now before you go all clutch-your-pearls, southern blanched, full of fright about how inhumane that statement is. And how much you care about learning about other people. Hold your horse, and then get off that high horse. Because you’re as full of it as the horse is.

People, including you, love talking about themselves. We are all our favorite topics. We all pretend we want to hear about the other person. Asking them questions, discovering more about them, and peeling back the layers of the onion.

But why do we ask these questions of others? Why do we want to know more about someone?

Because we want to know if “we” can put up with them. If we want them in our life. If we can have conversations with them. If our interests align? Or can they teach me a thing or two I didn’t know before?

I’m not saying we are all selfish. In fact, I know you’re not. But I still know your favorite topic is you, and the things that benefit you. Whether obvious, down the road, right now, or subtly. And there is nothing wrong with that.

In writing, I have to think about the person reading. You. I have to make it interesting for you. How will YOU find this interesting? Why will YOU keep reading?

But you know what? I’m also not afraid to lose you. To lose your attention. Because by talking about you, asking you questions, making it about you. I have shown a large part of myself. And you know what? I’m not for everyone. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s amazing. I am not for everyone. And neither are you. So I don’t pretend to be. And you shouldn’t pretend to be either.

In fact, the faster you realize someone isn't right for you. The faster you can move on to someone or something who is right for you. And that’s the main lesson here.

There are a hundred other things you could be doing with your time right now. But you’ve chosen to stick with me and read my post. Thank you, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. (It really does, thank you. I’m not just being a smart a$$ here.)

But if I wrote this to myself you wouldn’t have gotten this far. Nope, you would have left a nice comment on FB or in the comments section saying “Great post.” and gone about your day.

So, keep it about the other person. And you’ll be amazed at what you can come up with. And how much better your relationships will be. Even with readers.

To recap: Keep it interesting, Keep it going, Keep it about them.

This three-step process will give you a leg up in your writing, and I hope in your life. It is by no means an exhaustive list. A perfect list. Or even a list guaranteed to work.

But the next time you try and write something to someone. Someone you want to form a relationship with. Someone you want to connect with. Or heck anyone at all.

Keep this list in mind. And your writing will improve, and I know your relationships will be stronger.

Obviously the choice is yours.

Now, I hope you have a great day.

I’ve got a dinner party to throw. And some barstools to take out of storage. Stick around, maybe one day you’ll earn yourself an invite.

I’m rooting for you.